I now have a huge obsession with the blog The Bloggess!!!
She is so freaking funny.
She has the most random conversations with her husband about unicorn clubs, robot cats, and other silly things.
One day she was going shopping for towels and her husband said no more towels so instead she brought home a 5 foot metal colorful chicken and left it on the doorstep with the caption. Knock Knock Mother fucker!!!!
Of course he was mad but she said at least it wasn't towels.
I explained the blog to Chris who of course gets her humor so we have having fun the whole thing.
She also has severe hospital inducing panic attacks and depression and alot of health issues that she finds funny thing to blog about like do with chester and arnold.
She also has a long running thing with messing with Nathon Fillion cause he wont send her a picture of him holding twine but got Wil Weaton to send her a picture of him collating papers just to mess with stupid PR people who try to spam her.
I am not a reader like at all but so want to read her book when it comes out next month.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Gotta snap out of it!!!!
I am trying so hard to get out of my dance funk but its not working.
I listen to music everyday and find stuff i want to do.
we were supposed to Earth Day like we do every year and i was even making Jack a super cute outfit to wear but there is a workshop that same day so no one is doing it now.
There is also an event in May i would love to do for an art thing but nobody wants to do that either.
I cant do stuff alone, for security reasons and the stupid fat girl dancer things.
I may have confidence when i dance for people that come to belly dance events knowing what to expect but have too many times of dancing for other people and been heckled and yes assholes i can hear your rude ass comments from the stage!!
I miss the days of our group doing events together and having so much fun but now nobody wants to do anything.
I am also realizing the very limited amount of friends i actually have anymore.
I was alone on birthday, alone on Christmas, alone on new years, its frustrating that i don't know why or what i did to make people not want to hang out with me. Im fun damn it.
I don't even have my husband to hang out with me like other people do. I'm alone every Saturday with no kid or car.
I am always there when people need me but have been stepped on so much that i don't know why i keep doing it.
I listen to music everyday and find stuff i want to do.
we were supposed to Earth Day like we do every year and i was even making Jack a super cute outfit to wear but there is a workshop that same day so no one is doing it now.
There is also an event in May i would love to do for an art thing but nobody wants to do that either.
I cant do stuff alone, for security reasons and the stupid fat girl dancer things.
I may have confidence when i dance for people that come to belly dance events knowing what to expect but have too many times of dancing for other people and been heckled and yes assholes i can hear your rude ass comments from the stage!!
I miss the days of our group doing events together and having so much fun but now nobody wants to do anything.
I am also realizing the very limited amount of friends i actually have anymore.
I was alone on birthday, alone on Christmas, alone on new years, its frustrating that i don't know why or what i did to make people not want to hang out with me. Im fun damn it.
I don't even have my husband to hang out with me like other people do. I'm alone every Saturday with no kid or car.
I am always there when people need me but have been stepped on so much that i don't know why i keep doing it.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
I feel so old today
I feel like im falling apart.
13 years ago i had surgery on my left wrist for tendonitis and afterwards found out it wasnt done right and have permeanet damage. That i have gotten used to. Sometimes i cant use my thumb and have a bone that pushes on the tendons.
Shortly after moving into this house my Right knee started to crunch going down the stairs.
Now my right shoulder is on fire! It started when i was still doing hair but wasnt too bad. Suddenly its been really bad. i think its tendonitis on that side too. It starts in my wrist and goes up.
Its the same side i sprained my neck a few years ago so i wonder if thats connected.
Im sure some of my body pains are due to my weight but im not going there right now. LOL
13 years ago i had surgery on my left wrist for tendonitis and afterwards found out it wasnt done right and have permeanet damage. That i have gotten used to. Sometimes i cant use my thumb and have a bone that pushes on the tendons.
Shortly after moving into this house my Right knee started to crunch going down the stairs.
Now my right shoulder is on fire! It started when i was still doing hair but wasnt too bad. Suddenly its been really bad. i think its tendonitis on that side too. It starts in my wrist and goes up.
Its the same side i sprained my neck a few years ago so i wonder if thats connected.
Im sure some of my body pains are due to my weight but im not going there right now. LOL
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Letting go
I have been Belly dancing now for almost 8 years i guess. I have moments of loving and hating it. I suppose that goes for any hobby.
I loved teaching especially the belly kids classes but that all changed because of one persons selfishness greed.
I got a call one night from a troupe member that the doors the studio are locked and we are done with the studio. Umm WTF!
Christina the troupe leader for Diva Soma had been using our troupe money to pay her personal debt and falling wayyyyyy behind on studio rent. We all knew when the studio opened it wouldn't last. She has always been horrible with money of any kind.
As a troupe we decided it was the last strraw and we all left the troupe of Diva Soma and started Raqs Awn Belly Dance Collective.
As Raqs Awn we begin as a way to help the community come back together that had been ripped apart by Christina. For the first year it was lots of fun, being able to dance to what ever i wanted and not have to do weekly rehearsals and such.
The summer of 2010 was a rough one. We were still working through stuff and im still holding a grudge because of all the drama about people not wanting me to bring Jack to anything! A few people are trying too hard to make us more professional and thats not what i want to be a part of.
I still dont understand why its ok for those same people to bring there kids who yell and scream and run around but not my super well behaved child.
Well now Raqs Awn seems to have lost its Mojo including me.
I need to remember that i dance for me and not anyone else, if i want to dance to random stuff like star wars or Lady Gaga then im gonna!
A few months before Diva Soma split we were working on our dances for Nebraska Belly Dance Spectuclar that as a troupe we helped Christina start. Well needless to say none of us went that year.
Its been 3 years so i went last night. It was a great show.
Its funny how i never fell the best about my dancing but i take it as a compliment that every person i came across that knows me as Sapphire Phoenix kept asking why i wanst dancing.
Christina actually asked me to dance next year, I told her that i don't do traditional anymore and she was very strict on that for the show but she told me just to do Oojami or something like that more upbeat.
I will never dance with her again or give her money but its silly to keep holding onto something that we cant change this many years later.
I loved teaching especially the belly kids classes but that all changed because of one persons selfishness greed.
I got a call one night from a troupe member that the doors the studio are locked and we are done with the studio. Umm WTF!
Christina the troupe leader for Diva Soma had been using our troupe money to pay her personal debt and falling wayyyyyy behind on studio rent. We all knew when the studio opened it wouldn't last. She has always been horrible with money of any kind.
As a troupe we decided it was the last strraw and we all left the troupe of Diva Soma and started Raqs Awn Belly Dance Collective.
As Raqs Awn we begin as a way to help the community come back together that had been ripped apart by Christina. For the first year it was lots of fun, being able to dance to what ever i wanted and not have to do weekly rehearsals and such.
The summer of 2010 was a rough one. We were still working through stuff and im still holding a grudge because of all the drama about people not wanting me to bring Jack to anything! A few people are trying too hard to make us more professional and thats not what i want to be a part of.
I still dont understand why its ok for those same people to bring there kids who yell and scream and run around but not my super well behaved child.
Well now Raqs Awn seems to have lost its Mojo including me.
I need to remember that i dance for me and not anyone else, if i want to dance to random stuff like star wars or Lady Gaga then im gonna!
A few months before Diva Soma split we were working on our dances for Nebraska Belly Dance Spectuclar that as a troupe we helped Christina start. Well needless to say none of us went that year.
Its been 3 years so i went last night. It was a great show.
Its funny how i never fell the best about my dancing but i take it as a compliment that every person i came across that knows me as Sapphire Phoenix kept asking why i wanst dancing.
Christina actually asked me to dance next year, I told her that i don't do traditional anymore and she was very strict on that for the show but she told me just to do Oojami or something like that more upbeat.
I will never dance with her again or give her money but its silly to keep holding onto something that we cant change this many years later.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Support
I love my husband lots but i am trying to stay away from him. He is trying to quit smoking cold turkey and is not friendly!
I know how hard it can be especially since hes been smoking since he was a teenager.
I hope he can do it. I need him to do it.
They are way to expensive and frankly he stinks.
I am still actively looking for a job but am still feeling like hes pissed at me every time i mention not using money or get frustrated about the car.
I am going out with a friend tonight to dinner and to NBDS and almost feel bad about it but damn it i need to have a life too.
I only have a few friends really and i want to feel special and loved too.
I know how hard it can be especially since hes been smoking since he was a teenager.
I hope he can do it. I need him to do it.
They are way to expensive and frankly he stinks.
I am still actively looking for a job but am still feeling like hes pissed at me every time i mention not using money or get frustrated about the car.
I am going out with a friend tonight to dinner and to NBDS and almost feel bad about it but damn it i need to have a life too.
I only have a few friends really and i want to feel special and loved too.
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